good morning people in the world.

i havent written for a really long time - over a month even.  since i last wrote i've moved, again, but this time to calgary for work.  work has been good, i really like getting to know my clients and i feel like a professional every day.  the place im living at is okay, it has some great aspects and some shitty aspects... i was gonna look for a new place to live this weekend, but like everything else i say i'll do, it never happened.

i have been having a really rough time this semester... well, this whole school year it feels like.  i am failing school right now, but moving up slowly which is great.  i feel i am unable to keep up with the demands and expectations of life all of a sudden - i am exhusted when anyone expects anything of me, even the people i love.  i am hurting the people closests to me.  at least, i know i am hurting one.  maybe i am just thinking the world revolves around me again, and maybe i am not really hurting other people?  i must be hurting them - i always cancel on my friends, and i am constantly saying i'll do things that i know i wont do.  i dont know when i started doing that.  i told clint i do it because of two reasons: one, the things i say i'll do are the things i want to do, in theory, because i wish i was that person who does those things.  two: i dont think people will like me if i am the way i am.  i dont know why i think that, but i carry it around.

i am conmtinuing to take responsibility for being a shitty friend... i really am.  i have been calling my friends way more often to keep in touch and i saw some of them this weekend which was really nice.  next up is to start saying what i mean, and doing what i say im gonna do - it is harder for me than you might think.  i am bored yet too unmotiavted to change it.  i might be becomimg my mother.