if heaven wasn't so far away

i'd pack up the bags & go for the day.

and losing them wouldn't be so hard to take

if heaven wasn't so far away

today was supposed to be a good day.  i say that because i've been so bored the last couple of days, but anxious and full of butterflies at the same time.  so i decided that today was going to be a good day, with a good outfit and a good friend and a good cup of tea... even if i couldn't work or volunteer or something.  i did do all those things, which was nice; my outfit was stylish yet effortless, and i love my twelve dollar shoes.  i bought new makeup, which i wore with my outfit, and i headed over to my friends place for some catching up and tea.  both were good.  for the most part.  things soon went sour, and i couldn't wait to get home to get help from clint... sometimes, things in life happen that don't make sense.  in this instance, i need to both swallow my pride and suck it up at the same time, in order to make things "right" again.  i will try, but i'm scared.  

rupert either hates us a lot, or thinks we're his best friends.  he bites us now, but i think that's because uncle jason kept feeding rupert food out of his hand, so now rupert thinks that if he bites he'll get food.  oh well, at least he leaves his can now.  and he likes his slide.  thanks, uncle jason! 

i hope things start to fit into place soon.  i guess i shouldn't word it like that... some things have fallen right where they should have, like being here and finally feeling like i should be.  i've just got butterflies all the time, like i'm excited or anxious or nervous and i don't know why or what for... there's a lot of things i want to do, like go to new coffee shops and walk outside and take pictures and help people, but i can't decide which of those interests is making me feel this way.  it's a good way to feel, but also unsettling.  one thing i'm sure of through all this discomfort... my green tea is the best, with honey, and i'm happy to be painting my nails again.

ps.  tonight, we hung things on the walls.  we put holes in the walls, to hang our keys, our coats, our dreams of sanfransisco, and candles.  holes in the wall are a comittment... and that's just fine.