i feel like everything should feel wonderful, because everything is.  but it doesn't.  i have been searching and searching and crying, trying to find my place again in the world.  i travel back in forth and find love and hugs and i feel better for a while, but anxieties of life always come back.  i live with funny people, and i work with smart people, and i live a travelled life that many only dream of.  but i am off, and longing for satisfaction in all these places.  i do not have a lot more words to share, the same that i do not have a lot of energy to think of words that i could share.  things are not as bad as i make them out to be.