acoustic for the win

with a little poison, we can burn this old place down

to the ground, again

today was a big day - school wise, profession wise, and emotions wise.  my friend posted this photo to my facebook and it was one of those photos where i thought "oh wow... this picture was given to me today for a reason."  i am trying to take note of all the special things that happen throughout my day, and this photo was one of them.  the picture reads:

"having a rough morning? place your hand over your heart.  feel that? that's called purpose.  you're alive for a reason.  don't give up."

i can't let myself get where you are.

fuck.  it's just time for something new.  i can't keep doing this to myself, and people can't keep hearing it.  things are better than i make them out to be - they must be.  yes, some things are hard, some people are missed, and sometimes i need to cry.  but i need to see the good, some how - i don't know how, it's very difficult for me.  but i have seen the good before, and i really really miss it.  something has to change, some how.  i need to try, harder than i've been tying.  sometimes i wonder that i secretly like feeling shitty.  why would someone ever like that?  i have no frackin idea.  i think im just so used to it that it feels natural... not thta i actually like it.  that makes more sense.  but i dont want it to feel natural anymore.  i want to feel different.  i want to feel better, capable, adequate.  i need those things. 

take one, every day

i love this
we could all use a bit of help

i have been thinking a lot lately about what i want or where i think i should be.  i realize a lot of things about myself when i'm here and i wish i could fix everything at once.  i realize i want so many things but when those thigns are mine i don't see value in them.  for example, all my friends talk about how theyre enjoying lounging around on the weekends and going for breakfast and going to the mall... or whatever theyre doing.  when they say this to me, i want it. i wish i was them doing what theyre doing.  but then when i do get to do those things, i'm bored quickly.  i don't know why that is.  i feel like an ungreatful SOB and i don't know how to overcome that... i don't know how to appreciate things when theyre mine.
i can't decide what i'm meant for in the world.  i wanna do this work because i love it and i'm driven towards it, yet sometimes i feel i'll have to sacrifice so much for it.  life is this weird thing to me, i can't figure out how to make life be the way i think it should be.