i have been thinking a lot lately about what i want or where i think i should be.  i realize a lot of things about myself when i'm here and i wish i could fix everything at once.  i realize i want so many things but when those thigns are mine i don't see value in them.  for example, all my friends talk about how theyre enjoying lounging around on the weekends and going for breakfast and going to the mall... or whatever theyre doing.  when they say this to me, i want it. i wish i was them doing what theyre doing.  but then when i do get to do those things, i'm bored quickly.  i don't know why that is.  i feel like an ungreatful SOB and i don't know how to overcome that... i don't know how to appreciate things when theyre mine.
i can't decide what i'm meant for in the world.  i wanna do this work because i love it and i'm driven towards it, yet sometimes i feel i'll have to sacrifice so much for it.  life is this weird thing to me, i can't figure out how to make life be the way i think it should be.