keep changing the world

it's bright and sunny out today, and very warm - i can already tell.  i'm drinking coffee though, so maybe that's throwing me off.  but mmm mmm mmm, do i love this coffee.  i decided that i'm going to try to only ever drink coffee that is fair trade or direct trade.  i can't really stop buying clothing, and i can't really stop buying food either, and i don't make enough money to make any promises that i'll always buy expensive clothing (thus no slavory... in theory) or organic food.  fair trade coffee is only a small piece of the puzzle, but it's still a piece.  i tried this out over the weekend, and so far i've been successful.  i'll have to try not to beat myself up too hard when it's exam time at school and i'm dying for a coffee from the caf... might need a little forgiveness, too.

i had a dream i met one of my new roommates.  she was the best roommate ever.  when we initially met, in my dream of course, she said "there is just one thing about me that you must know:  i need to recycle, i love recycling and it's the one thing i'm a stickler about with my roommates."  best friends!  i was so happy.

last weekened, we were faced with some drama... this person in our lives is badly addicted to crack and who knows if anything else.  this person has become frail and weak, and i'm thinking probably taking part in what is known as "coke runs" - i believe that's the name of it;  when a person lives in a cycle of "get money for the drug, chase the drug, find the drug, use the drug, come down, get money for the drug etc etc" which takes hours... the using part takes maybe one.  thankfully this person should finally be off to rehab as we speak... but sometimes we, the onlookers, become immune to this sort of thing.  basically, we'll believe this person is in rehab when we see that this person is in rehab.  until then, life continues. but it's hard.

clint and i walked to the movie theatre last night.  it was so good to finally just be with him, walking by ourselves and enjoying being outside together.  yes yes i know: we live together.  and even being alone in the house should saffice, right?  not really.  it feels like clint and i bond more when we are walking together, holding hands and just watching the road beneath us. we can talk all we want at home, but there's something different about leaving the house and being together.  just something.  anyways, it was nice.  i almost collapsed as usual, which made me grumpy as usual.  i'm like an obese person in a skinny person's body.  but clint helped, again, as usual.  he's special.

i miss rupert.  he died and we don't know why; maybe a little mousey heart attack.  he was playing and running and digging just like he normally does.  and then all of a sudden he got really quiet so i went over to check on the little guy and he was just laying there, lifeless on his side, eyes wide.  i cried right away, like a knob.  but he was a little living thing, even though he was just a rodent really.  but i even get sad when my flowers flop over, so to have our little rupert - the one who runs and runs and runs on his stupid noisey wheel while we watch movies, and who climbs the cage like a monkey and shits everywhere - just die ten minutes after playing, makes me sad.  clint too i think.  maybe.

i finally ordered my Flores book: "group psychotherapy with addicted populations."  it should be here today or tomorrow.  i'm hoping that i won't completely hate my life when i start reading it, and that instead the book will motivate me for what is to come in school this semester.  however, i feel i will spend the whole time hitting my head against a brick wall.  but if i can read for like 4 hours a day,  i'm hoping i'll make a big enough dent in that thing to aid me through the semester.

i've got to call bev... kailene, call bev!
i've also got a lot of things to get done today before work:  stuff with my tires, stuff with my teeth, and other stuff that occurred to me last night but of course i forget it all right now.  then we are off to buy our little shit wagon that both clint and i want oh-so-badly.  why?  we have our reasons.  i wish i wasn't so poor though.  a month ago when we were going to buy it, i could have.  but not now.  now i've run out of money almost completely, and i have enough trouble buying food let alone pitching in for a car.  but i finally paid clinton back money that i owed him from a few months ago, so i know i'll be able to pay him back for this.

lastly, jenni is coming home this week!!! finally, she has returned!  elyse too!  i can't wait to chat with her about her year long adventures and i'm sooo glad we get to see each other before i move again.  i hope she'll come visit me this semester too, we'd have a blasty-blast.  oh boy, can't wait can't wait.

to all the people who are fighting for the broken

all the people who keep holding on to love

all the people who are reaching for the lonely

keep changing the world